FRIENDS

SO I  HAVE ONLY HAD TWO GIRLFRIENDS THAT I CONSIDER MY BEST FRIEND IN MY 31 YEARS. TRUE FRIENDS ARE RARE AND DON' T HAPPEN OFTEN . I TRY TO BE THE EXAMPLE OF WHAT I EXPECT AS FAR AS THE WAY WE SPEAK TO EACH OTHER, HANDLE CERTAIN SITUATIONS, AND SHARED INFORMATION . SEVEN YEARS AGO I WAS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE AND WORKING AT A LOCAL BAR WHERE I HAD LOTS OF PEOPLE TO HANG OUT WITH BUT I ACTUALLY FOUND A BEST FRIEND WHO WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER . WE WORKED WITH EACH OTHER, SHE STAYED WITH ME, WE WENT OUT TOGETHER,IF YOU SAW ME SHE WAS THERE AND VICE VERSA. WE WERE UNTOUCHABLE WHEN IT CAME TO SOMEONE TRYING START CRAP IF WE WERE TOGETHER . I MET OUR BOSSES COUSIN AND BEGAN DATING AND SHE STILL WAS AROUND UP UNTIL SHE STARTED DATING SOMEONE TOO AND WE WENT SEPERATE WAYS OR OUR LIVES WERE ACTUALLY VERY DIFFERENT FOR REASONS THAT ONLY WE KNOW. HOW EVER WE RECONNECTED AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS OF NO CONTACT AND PICKED RIGHT UP LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED . SHE NOW HAD A CHILD I HAD TWO AND WE BOTH AGREED WE MISSED EACH OTHER . ALL WENT WELL AND OUR LIVES CHANGED AGAIN AND THEN AFTER ABOUT A YEAR OF NO CONTACT SHE CONTACTED ME AND SINCE MARCH OF 2011 WE HAVE HUNG OUT AND BEEN TOGETHER OR ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME . SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT ME GOOD BAD, UGLY,AND THE THINGS YOU DON T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW ABOUT YOU . I FOUND OUT FROM HER THAT SHE LIED TO ME IN PAST ABOUT FEW THINGS WHICH ENRAGED ME BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WAS TOO EMBARRASSED FOR ME TO KNOW AND I EXPLAINED TO HER THAT IS WHAT BEST FRIENDS ARE FOR AND THAT SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT ME SO IT KINDA HURT TO KNOW OUR DEFINITION ON US MIGHT HAVE CHANGED AND MADE ME START SECOND GUESSING SITUATIONS. SHE HAS GOTTEN ANEW JOB AND I HAVE BECOME THE CARETAKER OF HER KIDS AND HOME AND LOVE IT . TO KNOW THAT I MAKE HER LIFE EASIER SHE HELPS ME OUT BY PAYING FOR THE THINGS I WOULD DO EVEN WITHOUT BEING PAID . DOWNSIDE TO THIS IS WE SEE EACH OTHER COMING AND GOING AND THE FEW TIMES I HAVE TRIED TO GO SEE HER AT WORK WHICH IS BAR  I GET SCOLDED BY HER ON THINGS THAT SHOULDN T MATTER . LIKE BRINGING UP A NAME OR WELL JUST STUFF BUT IT EMBARRASSES ME AND USUALLY I WILL PULL HER INTO BATHROOM FOR PRIVATE TALK. I USUALLY BRUSH THINGS OFF BUT THE OTHER NIGHT WE WENT FOR GIRL NIGHT AND SHE LITERALLY CURSED AT ME A COUPLE TIME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WHICH IS NEW TO OUR FRIENDSHIP AND HIT ME I WROTE IT OFF ON ALCOHOL AND TOLD HER NEXT TIME HAVE THE SAME  RESPECT FOR ME AS I HAVE FOR HER AND PULL ME ASIDE. THAT WAS BEFORE SHE TOLD ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS WHEN DISCUSSING THE NIGHT BEFORE AND I WAS TRYING TO STOP HER BECAUSE I DIDN T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS SO UPSET ABOUT . REALLY SHE COULDN'T TO MY GUESSTIMATE REMEMBER AND FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT CUZ SHE TOLD ME THAT IS WHAT I SAID AND NEVER DID I AT ALL . I TOLD HER SHE WAS HAVING FUN AND ASKED IF SHE TRUSTED THAT I HAD HER BEST INTERESTS AT HEART? TOLD HER THAT I TRUSTED HER. SHE DIDN T ANSWER AND I WAS SHOCKED. AS BESTFRIEND I TRY TO NOT LET HER ACT LIKE IDIOT AND VICE VERSA WE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY. AFTER THAT I KNEW THAT IF SHE SPOKE TO ME THE WAY SHE DID SOBER THEN NO WAY COULD SHE DRUNK EVER REMEMBER TO PULL ME OUT AND AWAY FROM ALL TO TALK . I DECIDED THAT TO SAVE OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT WE CAN'T HANG AT THE BAR ANYMORE WE ARE BETTER HANGING OUT WITH KIDS . THEN AGAIN SHE BETTER NEVER DISRESPECT ME BY TELLING ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP EVER. WE NEVER TALKED TO EACH OTHER LIKE THIS BEFORE AND I FEEL IT ISN T NEEDED. VERY VERY INSECURE ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP NOW .